I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
