He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
