Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
