if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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