We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just want to make out with him forever
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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