Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
