Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
