Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
