Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
