what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want her autograph on my taint
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
