My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
