hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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