The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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