everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
