The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
