is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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