K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
