How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
