yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
