My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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