Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
