did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
