I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
