i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
