I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
