i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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