I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I intend to get homeless drunk
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
