I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A+ Viking dick
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
