Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
