Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
