my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
