i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
