I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
