I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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