he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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