he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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