at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize