She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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