dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
