I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
