Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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