i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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