she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
