you guys were way drunker than both of me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
