i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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