It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
