Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
