idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
