my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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