Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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