i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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