Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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