I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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