My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
