Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
