i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
