how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
