Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
