just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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