Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
