Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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