im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
