when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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