i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Randomize
