No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
