This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize