Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
