i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
