If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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