The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
